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How to speak to a narcissist

Steps for Change
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Dr. Greg Hamlin explains the two major characteristics of the narcissistic personality type and offers some tips for how to communicate more effectively with people who show these characteristics.

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Aug 5, 2014

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Comments 6 629
Scorpion Wins
Scorpion Wins 10 hours ago
A narcissist in the work environment: There is no "I" in TEAM. But there's an "M" and an "E". *ME*
Jessica Andriano
Jessica Andriano 12 hours ago
Can a narcissist and another narcissist be best friends???? Because I see such people going well
Edgerunner mobile skate sharpening
Hey, from what I’m hearing here, I think Trump may be a narcissist.
Dayli Lopez
Dayli Lopez Day ago
Can you learn narcissist ways if you are a "needy" person and have been with them almost 10 years?
herofn
herofn 3 days ago
Im so sad my dad has this. He is most definitely never changing although my dream is for him to change. Its so sad... I feel for anyone that has to deal with narcissistic people.
Drea C
Drea C 3 days ago
Just described my mom
BlueWaveDragon
BlueWaveDragon 6 days ago
I hate that people think I am a narcisist because I have aspergers.
Sally Lemon
Sally Lemon 8 days ago
My cousin is a narcissist and her husband is a narcissist. I wish them good luck.
ginaven1
ginaven1 9 days ago
I know someone with that trait. So tiresome to listen to them.
George Thompson
George Thompson 10 days ago
There are different degrees of narcissism. Certain types can learn to understand how their behaviour affects those closest to them. A high octane narcissist is an impossible real and sincere friend.
Kathy Wedzik
Kathy Wedzik 10 days ago
How to respond to a narc, ...how does a narc communicate: SILENTLY
void world
void world 10 days ago
great video. My question is, How do you get somebody who you know is a 100% narcissist to realize that he/she is one and make them recognize that they do have a problem and indeed should get some help with it? (I am in a relationship with a narcissist women.) Heaven forbid if I was to try and self diagnose her and say "Listen hunny you are a narcissist"... well yeah ill be in the dog house for a year and two months I reckon. So long story short if any one out there or even you doctor can give me ideas on how I can make my partner realise she is one and in doing so gets help, with out me saying that she is one would be fantastic! or is it quite simply IMPOSSIBLE for a narcissist to recognize the qualities and personality traits of a narcissist. Thanks guys..
ParanormalAdventureAustralia
I'm so upset by these Epple managers in shops scare me I need be assertive and how do I take back product back faulty they make out I broke it hurtse how do say right things get refund
Jus- Sayin
Jus- Sayin 13 days ago
My husband for 18 years. Tried to destroy me and change my personality. I won. He's gone
dan frees
dan frees 13 days ago
Unfortunately narcissists can not put themselves in other people’s shoes. Eye contact is treated like a direct challenge to their grandiosity. Best thing to do is keep your distance from them as much as possible
Grace Johnston
Grace Johnston 15 days ago
I was married for 25 years to a man who is a narcissist. I wish I had heard all this stuff before I met him because five kids later I am still wallowing in what he has managed to do to us all and we will probably be dealing with it for a lifetime luckily I left finally and hearing all this stuff makes me feel so much better I thought I was crazy
robbiepeterh
robbiepeterh 16 days ago
At the end of the day, they’re kind of hilarious when you think about it 🤔😂
Jacelle Lumain
Jacelle Lumain 16 days ago
How? I dont really know how to handle a narcissist person esp if that person is your partner. When we're dating I dont have any idea that he is a narcissist. All I want to do now is run away or hide from him.
Shelley Charlesworth
GREAT video--the narcs lack empathy and it's all about THEM! RUN! They are self-destructive! But take you down in the process!
Dr Chunky Biscuit
Dr Chunky Biscuit 19 days ago
So basically, any DemoRat. 😂
Gary Taylor
Gary Taylor 21 day ago
I was dealing with a narcissist females today I try to talk to her over the phone like adult should !.... She didnt answer the phone i was tryna to leave her a voice mail she came to my house without my permission and sprayed me Bear Animal Pepper Spray which cause my body temper to be very high my body was very hot plus my nerves was in pain !.... Im still dealing with a lil pain now but I'm getting better !.... Stay away from narcissist females they can react out of anger badly
Lily Maria
Lily Maria 22 days ago
I came here searching for answers about my so called friends... but this is a very interesting insight. Thank you 😊
LAUREN TALKS
LAUREN TALKS 22 days ago
They could momentarily have empathy? Not good enough though. It doesnt come natural .I have had to give up on my relationship with my mother because she will never change her ways
Art D.
Art D. 27 days ago
A Narcissist is named after a Greek Mythology figure named Narcissus ! Who thought he was so beautiful.. But, only through his own eyes !!
Pete Newth
Pete Newth 28 days ago
Damn, I'm a narcissist....
Michele Johnson
Michele Johnson Month ago
I have been free from my ex Narcissist husband for 2 years. Someone asked me was I lonely living on my own. The bone chilling loneliness, despair, dread, fear, hopelessness, worthlessness all disappeared when I left him after a 20 year marriage/sentence. Not once have I felt lonely and I say 'thank you' every morning when I get up because he isn't there!
Ellen
Ellen Month ago
Very practical breakdown, thank you!
John Atencio
John Atencio Month ago
A narcissist will call the cops on you
Robin Cluff
Robin Cluff Month ago
Most helpful information I’ve gotten. Thank you
Kyna Thomas
Kyna Thomas Month ago
I absolutely cannot stand narcissist.
tim the dentist
tim the dentist Month ago
I dont BELIEVE NARRSIST can be fixed PERIOD!..
Steven paul Ortiz
I'm listening to this n reading comments while sitting next to my narc. I'm dividing my attention between this n her...She is telling me about her bleeding heart for every living thing on this planet. Meanwhile, if the pitter patter of her puppies paws on the wood floor becomes a distraction to anyone causing them to turn their attention during her nail biting story.....the puppy will pay...I've seen it happen once...since then. That puppy does not exist as far as I'm concerned. At least not during story time. I need out. I think I'm honestly addicted to the sex. I'm scared. I really am.
Luc Morin
Luc Morin Month ago
So. I know this guy who calls me up once in a while. He asks me how I'm doing, and then, not even 2 minutes in, he starts telling me how HE's doing. He'll talk for 10-15 minutes, and then stop to ask me, "and, you, what are you up to?". I'll start saying something about myself, and 2 minutes in, he'll cut me and be like "Yeah, it's like me, back in 19XX, I had the same thing happen, and bla bla bla bla". The cycle repeats itself a few times until I invent a reason to hang up. If I ever happen to meet him in person (shopping mall, whatever), I'll be polite and talk to him for a bit, and what I've noticed is that if there's a reflective surface, a window, a mirror, etc., he's always looking at his own reflection. Can I say for sure that this person is narcissistic?
Elif
Elif Month ago
can someone help me about my sister? my sister is almost 17, she has always been envious. when i hang out with my friends or go to vacation etc. she is always jealous and do not talk to me for a few days. as long as i remember, she was always like that. in deep i feel that she doesn't love me or anyone in the family but sometimes it feels like she does. she was insecure about herself and became kind of asocial at the age of 15 and it became so hard to cope with her after that. but there are some things that doesn't make her seem as narcissistic for example, one time when she turned 16, she thought we forgot about her birthday and went upstairs to her room and stayed there. we bought a cake and called her and she cried so hard and hugged everyone of us. also, she loved and cared about me when she was like 4-5. she would cry if something bad happen to me but now she is changed. she manipulates everyone including her therapist, she told my mother that i was a liar and she doesn't like my behaviors. i feel like she never liked me since like she turned 15 and now we live in the same house but we never talk. because i cant control myself with her crazy behaviors and thoughts. she always wants us to say something good to her if she clean the kitchen, study or even cook. she always wants us to appreciate her for what she did. she quitted therapy because the therapist said she was manipulating her and my sister claims that she doesn't have any kind of disorder so she doesn't need therapy (she started therapy because she had anxiety, not because she was a narcissistic.) she tries to hurt me every time i say her something. she uses my weaknesses against me the day after i talk her about my weaknesses. now i don't know if she's a narcissistic because she used to be so much better until 2017 but now she's a complete mess. i don't know how to deal with her. she refuses to go therapy because she says she does not have a disorder but she clearly has. please help me figure out what's going on with her. did your siblings have those traits too?
mama bear
mama bear Month ago
Empathy deficient disorder. Yup. Way more clear. Defines exactly what it feels like as the victim of it. Wow. Thank you.
Nick Carducci
Nick Carducci Month ago
LIKE MOST PEOPLE I HAVE KNOWN, MOST OF YOU AHOLES MAKING COMMENTS ON THIS PAGE LOOK IN THE MIRROR IT'S YOU, GEY OFF YOUR FN HIGH HORSES
Angie J
Angie J Month ago
Having a mother and a spouse who are narcissists, it's interesting that in my particular case unlike some, they are not capable of seeing how I feel like I do about a particular situation. By the time I was 6, I knew that my mother was not someone I could talk to if I needed comfort or support. Even care in illness was minimal. So naturally I ended up with a narcissist as a spouse. I knew there were things that were weird and made me really uncomfortable and seemed very unreasonable but I had no idea what narcissism was so I just figured God had gone on vacation from answering prayers. But in both cases (Mom and spouse) they are able to show some empathy but mostly just for children or someone who is very much like themselves. My spouse can show it for children who are older than those my mom can empathize with. I would say he could go to perhaps early teens for males, but for mom it's really early toddler stage except for physical injury. If they're old enough to tell her "no", they're pretty much old enough to get smacked in the mouth in her mind. She gets very jealous of children who are corrected only verbally and if she's around when it's happening, she will make sure she gives them a really nasty, hurtful look. She's in her mid 70's and still hits because she thinks she has a right to.
SparklePeace
SparklePeace Month ago
No human mind will ever understand these demons fully. Praise God that the Lord gave me so much wisdom through studying the bible about these narc's and how to overcome their evil tactics. When you turn it back on them they freak out when you say they are demonic and I said I sinned against God for listening to the devil and going against God's truths. Once you take it off of yourself and allow them to see it has nothing to do with anyone else but their own selves then God works wonders. Forgive these useless humans and feel sorry for them that they listened to the devil to hurt others due to the fact they have no self-control and are weak. It is best to stay far away from evil people being used by the devil because if you try to help them these demons will come after you until you lose your mind. Walk away from evil and all forms of evil. These demons have been here way before anyone else and when you understand these demons only use willing human vessels to be with other demons it is not about love at all this is only lust demons lusting for other demons do not allow these demons to use your vessels. Luke 11 24 “When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, he goes through dry places, seeking rest; and finding none, he says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ 25 And when he comes, he finds it swept and put in order. 26 Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first.”
Diane sotelo
Diane sotelo Month ago
My bf always insults me when we speak, it’s sometimes overt and sometimes covert. It’s become very painful to talk to him, Every time I take space for myself he dumps me, then says it’s all my fault
Lindsey Henderson
From my experience with a narcissist (was married to one for 18 very LOOOOONGGGG years) is the only way to speak to one is to say Good riddance and see ya (but not if I see you first). It took me awhile to figure it out (obviously) but I finally managed it and I’ve never looked back. Good riddance narcissist!
Darla Long
Darla Long Month ago
Been left sitting alone..??? WHAT ?
Darla Long
Darla Long Month ago
My mac is SO happy all the time..fake.fake.fake.
Darla Long
Darla Long Month ago
DON'T....😶
kelly russell
kelly russell Month ago
Thank you for your video. I see this is my Asperger’s husband of thirty-three years. He’s a good man, but I never knew what to call his behavior. A and N go hand in hand. People say, why not just leave, but when you have a family it’s not always so cut and dried.
Hollywood Sunshine
Classic Swamp donald trump! 😂🤣
Gail Hochberg
Gail Hochberg Month ago
I once had a boss like that. Sheer torture!
J Carter
J Carter Month ago
Your summary really struck a chord: Settle in and recognize it's not a normal conversation. It's frustrating and once you acknowledge and accept that fact, you'll be better dealing with it.
Maria Makinen
Maria Makinen Month ago
Going silent n no contact is the only functional boundary to have in a situation with my family members. The Ams cannot define mental status of ppl outside their country. I need a safe reversal surgery in order to prove I'm right. The evil will remain evil. My sis is the main enabling GC. In favour of committing an identity theft. My daughter is my child, Br. From his father's side. I don't have claims. I was advised on having my child in advance. The doc told me to leave out the pill..... etc. No sin. Love heals the scars of abuse . My sis since 11 is not going to hit the jackpot of improving . The narcs do not do surgeries . Amen. TY.
Sandpiper 20
Sandpiper 20 Month ago
Lol, wonder is the Dope in Chief like this....
Koset
Koset 2 months ago
So concise and helpful. Thank you!!!
raginald7 Mars
raginald7 Mars 2 months ago
As a German Biochemist Ph D my view is, my point and own experience is - why do WE fall for the mystic Magic of a person we encounter - a sort of Hypnotism, a Guru we want to join and follow, become Disciple... why? A skilled Hunter, Predator screening his Hunting Grounds for easy Prey to catch. My way is, to strictly stay far away from any of such Hunting grounds. Social Awareness Training: to sense, when somebody is Screening me, studying me - to catch me. I may lose this game easily. I lost already many times. So I prefer to stay away. The most amazing encounters I make - are on MY Way! My Path. Far away from Hunting grounds. Wonderful persons I meet there... who are delightful to meet and talk to - and LEARN from...
Katherine Solo
Katherine Solo 2 months ago
Before I understood what I was dealing with in my brother, I asked if I could take his picture, a close up. This produced an extraordinary reaction, panic in him. I am not sure this was useful but for once I was not pushed down, for a few moments he was destabilize. I really believe he felt he had shown something that he uncomfortable with. Initially I only thought my brother was a bully, charming to others but with no empathy. The pictures are an important moment for me, if fleeting. Now, I keep away, do not engage.
Rosalie Navarro
Rosalie Navarro 2 months ago
Lost of precious time with those people.
Genesis Dawn
Genesis Dawn 2 months ago
Oh, no, Narcs can be very cruel. They see pain and exploit the opportunity of gaining control by causing you pain.
Paul Allen Leoncini
Paul Allen Leoncini 2 months ago
Clinically: Yes. Reality : Almost
Pam Ponpan
Pam Ponpan 2 months ago
Your situation with your boss is my everyday life at work. My workload is so big when compared to others that I have to work on weekends. Because if it's not done, it is my fault since it was assigned to me. Nobody will go look at the backstory about my assigment alone is 50% while the other two teammate each gets 25%.
Pam Ponpan
Pam Ponpan 2 months ago
When i tell my problem to my mother, whatever it is, no matter how big how small, She will turn it into "how small your problem is when compared to mine" and then it's all about her. And I continue to suffer with whatever it is that always so small to her.
Jan Peterson
Jan Peterson 2 months ago
It might be the current President of the United States.
Cjoy Balambero
Cjoy Balambero 2 months ago
How to escape with a narcissist when you are far away from home?
L More
L More 2 months ago
Mine does that all the time. Forgets he actually starts it all every time. They make out you literally just walk up to them and start for no reason, when in reality, it's your reaction to what they deliberately started. It's a helpless feeling, because they also twist everything 🌹🌻
Lindsey Stuckey
Lindsey Stuckey 2 months ago
So these people are pretty much abuser, and victims.
Cal B
Cal B 2 months ago
If we could go back 500 years I could punch them in the eye
melodiousaddiction
melodiousaddiction 2 months ago
I have better advice. You don't.
Katanya Jason
Katanya Jason 2 months ago
Sounds like a famous politician to me ... :-/
Swagger x
Swagger x 2 months ago
Just don’t. That’s it
Hvbaxo
Hvbaxo 2 months ago
How to deal with them? Dont deal with them, just leave!
Hiroko Morioka
Hiroko Morioka 2 months ago
Consider them stooges and avoid. Laugh at them in distance.
Jessica
Jessica 2 months ago
I would say the best way to deal with a narcissist is to never talk to them, EVER. Leave them and never go back. End of story.
Mick Kollins
Mick Kollins 2 months ago
TRUMP a classic narcissist
Kiki Duulivmel
Kiki Duulivmel 2 months ago
i’m worried that i’m a narcissist
Monkey Magic
Monkey Magic 2 months ago
Just saw a play about a narcaccist, it was called me me me.......
starr39
starr39 2 months ago
Seems like a lot of work just to ask for something!?! Makes me so confused?! I wish I could take a master class on how to squash a narcissist!
Amy Gentry
Amy Gentry 2 months ago
You're spot on describing my husband's brother
Amy Gentry
Amy Gentry 2 months ago
Narcissists believe they're better than you.
Carnuts
Carnuts 3 months ago
Great video Doc ,its been very educational:)
Jek Pulido
Jek Pulido 3 months ago
Problem. The Narc is the father of my children. I can’t NOT have a contact with him. He has all the strings to our finances.
Ellie Ivie
Ellie Ivie 3 months ago
My dad is a narcissist
Alison McCracken Mills
Without any equivocation, they are the most dangerous individuals I have ever encountered.
Zahid Chaudhry
Zahid Chaudhry 3 months ago
Most selfish people have these"Traits"
J R
J R 3 months ago
How do you get your money back from a narcissist 🥴
curious george
curious george 3 months ago
Bullshit, they can never have empathy, it's just an act
Donna Parks
Donna Parks 3 months ago
How do u deal them have most of a church and probably all leadership beleaveing there lies but won't talk to u? I gave up on narc sis it's this church that are ducked
CogitoXYZ
CogitoXYZ 3 months ago
Everything Dr. Hamlin said describes Donald Trump to a "T".
sr633
sr633 3 months ago
You go to a funeral and instead of focusing on the deceased and their families grief a person suddenly feels ill and needs all the concern from all. This happens all the time at functions.
tommy brookes
tommy brookes 3 months ago
everybody on big brother springs to mind
Frank Pace
Frank Pace 3 months ago
aka. how to speak to your boss
Jjjcr4271
Jjjcr4271 3 months ago
My grandma is definitely one, everyone says she is, but I don’t let her treat me like that anymore, she went from narcissist to bitch made when it comes to talking to me
Marie O'Mahoney
Marie O'Mahoney 3 months ago
Take everything away from a narcissist my ex daughter in law owed me thousand and thousands as I loaned her £80:000for a house £10,000 for modernisation a further £29:00 plus a loan to cover gambling debts of £5:000 then £6,500 and never paid one penny back. She took everything from my son financially and belittled him making him feel he was worthless. He is now divorced. I took her to court and took the house and left her homeless . Narcissist. Hate strong people they can’t control and they back down
Fogata
Fogata 3 months ago
Thank you!!! Information surely needed! Thank you!
Judith Osorio
Judith Osorio 4 months ago
Trump.
chance hunter
chance hunter 4 months ago
Thank you!!
Mr.McGoover
Mr.McGoover 4 months ago
Thank you, I know someone who has narcissist personally, this has helped me identify ,confirm and show me how to deal with him.
ben mussolini
ben mussolini 4 months ago
Everybody in todays society labeling everybody else .LOL.
Sylvia Carlson
Sylvia Carlson 4 months ago
Thanks Dr. Hamlett. If you can avoid them, avoid them at all costs. However, that may not be always possible. They are also liars and embellish the truth when it serves to make them look better. I know someone who generalizes all the time and when you ask her to elaborate, she doesn't answer.
James Rice
James Rice 4 months ago
Trump.
Job Ngene
Job Ngene 4 months ago
Just request for all hack work from HACKCLOUD BY TEXTING OR CALLING +1(910)-766-0744
Jaya Tonna
Jaya Tonna 4 months ago
a narcissist is a dangerous Psychopath, a sick person who believes he/ she is Perfect,A Dangerous Witch
Jaya Tonna
Jaya Tonna 4 months ago
A Narcissist is a dangerous Psychopath, I know i live with a sick Narcissist !
Tiya B
Tiya B 4 months ago
No matter what the relationship it's best to cut ties once you realize their traits. Nothing works. Any attempt to move forward with a narcissist is just self harm.
Bonnie Irvin
Bonnie Irvin 4 months ago
How come they ignore when you message them on the phone, but when they message you they expect you to respond immediately. It's usually some random, unimportant thing they want to talk about. So you get excited and answer them back thinking you're going to be able to have a conversation finally! Yay! ...But then they immediately go silent. Very short conversation and you're wondering what happened. Ugh very frustrating.
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